what now?

God is good. I know this. I’ve been experiencing His goodness lately. In the past there have been weeks of constant depression, but then recently there have been weeks of cheerful willingness to roll with anything and to feel that somehow (I don’t need to know how) everything will be alright. God will take care of it. Whatever he has planned for me will be good.

That certainty got rocked a bit last night.

I got some test results that may indicate something really bad, or they may just be a blip. The trouble is that I’m not supposed to go in for a follow up test for SIX MONTHS.

My first reaction to that? You want me to WAIT with this hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles for SIX MONTHS? Are you crazy? Isn’t there a test we can do NOW, right this instant that will find out for sure? You have to be kidding me about this six month thing.

My family will laugh if they ever read this due to the understated nature of the following admission:

I

Don’t

Wait

Well.

Really I don’t. Patience has never been my strong suit. In fact, as long as we are going with a playing card metaphor here: it’s not even in my hand. I wasn’t dealt patience.

But I can take that further and say, alright Patience is not in my hand….but it IS in God’s hand. And God is my partner in this game, right? The Unshakable, the Ineffable, Loving, Sovereign GOD is my partner. I WILL not be afraid. I will not.

Oh please dear God, help?

Update: I got more info and things are starting to make more sense.  It’s not as serious as the initial notification letter made it out and it’s definitely not as bad as the English-challenged nurse made things out to be.  Sweet child, but needs ESL classes. Hey Trish, can you help me out with that?  private lessons for my nurse so she doesn’t send me into a tail spin again? 

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4 thoughts on “what now?

  1. I can totally relate to “I don’t wait well.” That is something that I struggle with quite frequently. Be careful what you wish for! How are you supposed to improve in the “patience” department without having your patience exercised? I’ve heard this prayer from somewhere, and it suits me perfectly: “God, please give me patience….and give it to me RIGHT NOW!!”

    You are not alone. 🙂
    Kathy

    thanks Kathy. BTW, I’m convinced that the reason it always seems as though God sends stuff to try our patience when we have asked Him to help us be more patient….is because we are more aware of trials in an area we are already working on.

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  2. HEY! Whats the deal with the test? I expect a phone call or a private email soon!

    In the meantime, as you know, I know exactly how you feel about tests. You have to take a deep breath, and continue trusting.

    If you think about it, as an IF patient you’ve done nothing -but- wait, usually in two week increments. What makes this harder is the time frame.

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  3. Dittos on Trish’s test question; let me know privately…if you feel comfortable doing so, of course.

    On patience, and waiting on test results, it’s tough. Especially if, like me…and you…one is afflicted with a powerful imagination. As an experienced waiter-with-no-patience, I can only offer this advice:

    Bugs Bunny cartoons. watch’em whenever you get twitchy. I sat through a year waiting for a transplant hanging on every “What’s up, doc?” It may not help the time go by any faster, but at least you’ll have a laugh. And it might stop the twitching cycle.

    Animaniacs aren’t bad either….

    Good thoughts, your way!

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  4. Glad things aren’t as bad as first thought. Yes, waiting stinks. I agree with the Bugs Bunny prescription. Or watch the Wedding Singer. Hot tea, good books, long walks, giggles with friends… Prayer of course, Psalms… Keep us posted.

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