For any of my readers who are not interested in my infertility issues, this is your official TMI alert.
Stop reading now.
But for all who have been following the changing emotional states of Deirdre and are actually interested in my life.
I really am thinking I need to give my reproductive organs over to God.
So starting tonight. No more pill.
By ceasing to take the pill it’s not so much that I’m opening up an opportunity for God to work, He could work around me if He wanted. I want to show God, myself and others that I’m willing to ACT like I believe that He will take care of me. And if I end up with another endometetrioma and a hysterectomy, then that was what He wanted and everything will be alright. At least then I’ll get to stop the fruitless hope-ings and move on to something else.
As soon as we file our taxes and decide which agency to use, Martin and I will be moving into the murky waters of adoption paperwork. We will go ahead with adoption even if we somehow miraculously get pregnant.
Pray for me. That I will really give God the full charge of my reproductive life. That I will not look at this as God’s “cue” to perform His miracle NOW! That I will not “time” anything or live on a cycle of hope and despair. Please pray that I really will give it up to God.
Thanks for listening and for caring to read this far.
****clarification: The reason the doctor’s gave me the pill was to keep the endometriomas at bay. The way you do this is to take SIX months of the pill with no stops. No period. So it was really a messed up cycle. ******