Ever been reading along in a book and gotten so frustrated with the struggles that the hero/heroine is going through that you feel an almost overwhelming desire to turn to the last page and see how it all turns out?
I guess that is kinda of how I’ve been feeling about my life and infertility. Please God, show me what WILL happen. Show me how it all turns out so I can stop feeling apprehensive.
but isn’t that apprehension a type of failure to trust in God’s goodness?
a friend sent me this post by a woman who has lost three babies and she used the book analogy very well.
If I believe God is really a God with GOOD intentions towards me and my life then I should be able to just continue to read the pages and chapters in the order they appear and trust that everything will be alright.
I’ve gotten much better about the trusting part.
The weird part for me is how to factor the adoption process into that trust. The whole application process is SO active and pushing. It feels like I’m trying to force God to include a child in my life. Almost as if I’m saying “See God. I can fill out all this paperwork and give these people money and I will HAVE a baby and you will just have to deal with it!”
It doesn’t mesh with the “trust God and see what HAPPENS” mindset. It doesn’t feel like I’m REALLY waiting on God.
anybody have any thoughts on this?