apology accepted

Well I did it.

I finally apologized to someone that I mistreated a few years ago.

She was a co-worker that I had a really bad attitude towards.  I tried to be nice (on the outside) I even invited her to my church a bunch of times.  I was smugly going about “heaping coals of kindness on my enemies heads”

The problem with that is if you continue to regard the person as an enemy, the whole project doesn’t work.    I THOUGHT I was hiding my horrible attitude pretty well.  But I was wrong.

See, right before she left us to go to a new office we had a big argument/discussion in which she told me how my body language and face had told her all along exactly how much I didn’t like her.   Even when I was trying to ACT nice.  Never mind all the days when I didn’t bother trying to hide it.   Ouch.

But here was the big kick-in-the-pants:

She also told me that if I was an example of the kind of people who went to my church. ………

She.   Didn’t.  Want.  To.  Get.  Anywhere.  Near.  Us.

Ouch, ouch and double ouch.

I had just spent three years being the worst possible witness for God ever in the history of the world.  To someone who might could have been a friend if I had bothered to ever give her a chance.   But I judged her based on a trivial occurrence and once we got off on that proverbial “wrong foot” I never even tried to correct my course.

That one statement from her has haunted me for two years.  It’s been eating me worse than usual lately, so I figure God is telling me to own up to her that she was right.   This morning I wrote her long heartfelt letter ( I was too scared to go to her face-to-face, and it helped me to put it in writing).  I told her that I knew I was wrong and I thanked her for being used of God to make me realize it. And I told her, in writing, that I was sorry.

Pray for me though.  I got a very short answer “apology accepted” which was great, but I had so hoped she would forgive me.  Pray for me to fully realize that my forgiveness is based in the blood of Jesus and learn to rejoice in the simple fact that I obeyed HIM.

Advertisements

I am doomed

Ever notice that Satan takes delight in distracting Christians with spiritual distractions?

Here I am, determined to have a quiet time and what happens? I find a really great praise team whose music I want to hear more of and I stumble upon the blog of a real hero of mine. A true warrior of the faith. What could be better for me than spending HOURS and HOURS reading through her blog and…

oh yea, GOD’S WORD is waiting for me.

oops.

pray for me as I try to get this portion of my life in line with what God wants for me.

thanks.

I need more time with God

I am coming to the realization that I know NOTHING about HOW to have a quiet time with God.

At first I wasn’t going to post about this. I was just going to write privately to two of my Christian girl friends and ask them for help, but then it occurred to me that I started this whole blog thing to track what’s going on in my head each day and well,…this is what is going on in my head today. It’s kind of embarrassing. I mean I grew up in the church for goodness sake! How can I not know how to have a quiet time?

Part of the problem is that I’ve been away from the church for a large chunk of my adulthood. Long enough to forget all the verses I memorized as a child in Christian school. Long enough to even forget some of the order of the books of the Bible! I’m not so far gone as to have forgotten if something is New or Old Testament, but it is rather embarrassing sometimes to be flipping about thinking “I KNOW that blasted book is in here SOMEWHERE!” while everyone else in a room has already located chapter and verse. I think it’s a hold-over from all those “sword drills” in grade school.

As I think back I realize that I have never had a quiet time. I was always involved in Sunday School classes and Bible studies, VBS and summer camps, and Christian school has endless Bible classes (not to mention scripture memorization), but I’ve never just studied God’s word ON MY OWN. By the time I was old enough for this to be a consideration I had drifted out of the church.

I want to study God’s word.

That phrase even kinda freaks me out. How do you STUDY God’s Word?

Is it like a term paper? do I need to get into word origins? Historical context? will there be a test? does it count as “studying God’s word” if I’m being directed by an author (like Beth Moore?) ? or is it supposed to be purely a reading of scriptures?

Would I get more out of maybe meditating on one verse at a time? Or will my mind just check out?

and how on earth does one go about FINDING all these meaningful verses that every other Christian woman seems to know? Oh how I SQUIRM when someone does the “now lets go around the room and everyone share their favorite verse!” thing. It’s almost like a Christian party game, and I can’t stand it! I was always more into Hymns than bible verses anyway. Which in most cases are sound scriptural truths just set to music. So my “out” in those situations was always to use my favorite hymn. Everyone in the room would love the “aww” factor and I could get away with no-one really knowing how little actual scripture I knew.

One other issue is my speed reading habit. I have a horrible time trying to slow down. If I’m reading anything more than a few sentences my unconscious goal becomes “get through it” there is a finish line and I want to get there. I can’t help it. I even do it with my favorite books. I’ll pick up some novel that I haven’t read in years, telling myself “this time I’m going to read EVERY word” and before three pages are done I’m speed reading. It’s strangely involuntary. (this btw is why I love reading stuff out-loud to my hubby.  It FORCES me to slow down and read. every. single. word.)

I think I’ve settled on a plan. I think what I’m going to try to do is to take one verse a week and memorize it. Dwell on it and ask God to make it live for me.

But I don’t know how to go about finding good verses to start from. So I’d like suggestions from my blog-friends. Just one each to start with. If you had to give me just ONE verse to start on, which one would it be?

kid friendly food

okay. Kids love weird things, right? and moms want easy and good for them (cleverly disguised, naturally)

so if your kids like deviled eggs, try this:

Ooook-Out Eyeball Eggs

  • take canned quails eggs (pre boiled, peeled and packed in water. These can be found at your local international food mart for just about 5 cents per egg)
  • drain eggs. set aside.
  • in a large bowl place the following:
  • 2 large jars of roasted red peppers (chopped)
  • 2 small jars of capers
  • a ton of chopped fresh parsley

Mix all this together with some freshly cracked pepper.

Now get the kids to help. Layer the greens and the eggs alternately all the way to the top of a wide mouth glass jar.

When the jar is packed full of eggs and greens pour in a mixture of one part olive oil, one part white wine vinegar and one part balsamic vinegar.

Close jar tightly and let sit in the fridge at least over night. The longer these sit the more they will taste like deviled eggs. They will keep nearly forever as long as you keep them cold. If at some point your kids get tired of the thrill of reaching into the cold slimy “dressing” to get to the eggs, you can always take the eggs out of their slime bath and suspend them in cold water for easy “reach in and eat” access. Also keep in mind that the the peppers, capers and herbs portion can be reused. Just add more eggs and a new oil&vinegar bath and start over.

Little boys LOVE the gross-out factor and they love helping make a snack that they always have access to in the fridge.

p.s. I purposely left out quantities in this as I like to make this dish in huge batches. I know others may want to try it first to see if their kids will like it.

pp.ss. I know I already posted today, but my friend Missy is doing a “kids food” thing over at her blog and I wanted to help out.

late to the party

I’m behind on my movie watching.    So forgive me for being very late in viewing Ratatouille the Pixar movie from 2007.

I finally saw Ratatouille this weekend and I absolutely adored it!

I loved how they didn’t ever have the rats speak to the humans, just used gestures and expressions. As a dabbler in art, let me tell you that’s hard to accomplish. And did you know that the “new” version of the actual Ratatouille dish at the end is a real recipe?     and it looks pretty good too.  

I know I’m coming late to this particular party, but I have just joined the legion of fans.

Unlike some animated movies, this is NOT fluff. There is no condescending mush, no silly song and dance numbers (though I love musicals and big musical numbers, I just don’t think all children’s movies should have to have them), just a well crafted story, and beautifully illustrated.

There are a couple of background panels that are stunningly real.

anyway, this is NOT just a good flick. It is a Great FILM.

lost in Italy?

the piazza de Edgemere

Okay, so I didn’t really go to Italy.  And perhaps someday when I do get to go to Italy, I’ll know better, but this sure felt like it to me.

These are non-toe related photos from this past weekend at the place where my MIL lives.

over the rooftops

and one more.  It took me all weekend to get the shadows just right in this shot to show the vaulted ceilings properly.

the long vaulted hall

ciao bella!