my brain is too full for my heart to breathe

I’m having one of those days when my brain is too full of life’s busyness. I just can’t seem to come up with something to write about.

Our FBI clearances came in yesterday in preparation for us sending out our profile to potential birth-mothers so we can adopt. But I’m reluctant to let myself get too happy about that. Road blocks can pop up out of nowhere with something this complex so remaining cautiously optimistic seems to be a good middle ground there.

Because we have been spending so much of our time on the pre-adoption paperwork we have gotten all out of whack with our bible study. We had been reading through our old testament study (the Patriarchs, by Beth Moore) everyday on the drive to and from work. We’d work through five days of homework that way and then on the weekend we’d watch the session video together and be ready to start more homework the next Monday. But we allowed the paperwork to get in the way so our drives to and from work have been much less….enriching for the past few weeks.

Early this week we kinda got back in the swing of things, but we slipped back out of the pattern yesterday and today. On those days that we don’t do our bible study in the car I arrive at work with my head full of lists of things I need to do, and things I need to not forget to do, and people I need to call or e-mail, and projects that we want to get done before we get “the call” about a baby and books I need to read to be better prepared for being a mommy, and, and, and…

All of which leaves me with a less than settled frame of mind and absolutely zero inspiration. Especially when you consider what inspiration actually means.

in·spi·ra·tion

–noun

1. an inspiring or animating action or influence: I cannot write poetry without inspiration.
2. something inspired, as an idea.
3. a result of inspired activity.
4. a thing or person that inspires.
5. Theology.

a. a divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul.
b. the divine quality of the writings or words of a person so influenced.
6. the drawing of air into the lungs; inhalation.
7. the act of inspiring; quality or state of being inspired.
Look at number six. The drawing of air into the lungs. In a way, when we drive to work and allow the mundane to take over our conversation, I end up being literally cut off from my spiritual air.
Even though we prayed briefly at the end of the drive, it was almost an after thought. God was something we tacked on at the end of 30 minutes of nonstop dicsussion of plane rides and adoption and work and family and and and and…..
Lord, help. Help me not to allow my life to stifle me. Lord help me to not be such a slave to circumstance. In those times when I don’t have a prepared devotional Lord, help me to remember You and to take the opportunity to commune with You.
Jesus help me to clear out the clutter in my brain, so that my heart can breathe in YOU.

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