follow-up to Mother’s Day

To all my friends who read my Mother’s Day rant and posted verses for me to use to “get through the day” on Sunday….

Thanks. They meant a lot. I read every one of them.

Turns out I didn’t need them on Sunday. Apparently my “bad day” was on Friday. I took more damage in the anticipation of Mother’s Day than I did on the day itself.

Based on the evidence it shouldn’t have turned out that way. We got a call on Saturday morning that one of the children we had hoped to adopt has gone to another family. This should have upset me, but it didn’t. We both just felt good about it.

On Saturday afternoon we met my mom, my niece and one of my niece’s best friends for an early dinner, then we all came back to our house to read aloud. It could have been rather poignant (us sitting in the living room, reading to two kids who are not ours) but instead it was just a really fun time. Both girls got the giggles every time it was their turn to read. I never knew the rescue by the eagles scene in the Hobbit was quite that funny.

On Sunday (of course) we weren’t singing so I had the joy of sitting on the floor level right behind the cherub and angel choirs. Oh great. But instead of feeling pain while watching all these cute kids wiggle in the pews and then sing their songs, all I felt was proud. Proud of the few kids in the choirs that I know personally. “Look at how straight Sarah is standing” “Didn’t Aaron & Jenny Lee do well this morning” etc.

So the long and short of it is this: thanks for praying for me, and thanks for sending me the verses to cling to. It helped, just not in the way I was anticipating. But that’s so like God isn’t it? His ways are higher and way better than my plans. Aways.

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2 thoughts on “follow-up to Mother’s Day

  1. I’ve been lurking here for a short time and I know you don’t know me from Adam but i just feel you could help me. Maybe write a post on it or e mail me or whatever. My question is – on Mothers Day (or any day) at church how could I make it easier for you. Is there anything I could say to bring a light to your day. I have four children and honestly that makes me feel strange trying to convey hope and love to you who are waiting to adopt. Maybe I shouldn’t feel strange I just don’t want to say anything that would hurt more than just keeping silent.
    If you haven’t already gathered this there is a woman in my church – my age – who is waiting to adopt and it just feels like there is this barrier between us. I thought you could help me. I hope I’m not out of line here – I just want to convey love and all I have to go on is ignorance.

    Thanks – even if you decide not to answer – thanks for sharing here so honestly. W—-

    Thank you for asking this. First off Every Situation is different. But, if it was me here’s what I would want you to do:
    1. hug me, invite me to dinner with your family. Let me get to know your kids. It takes away some of the pain to have kids in my life. Even though they are not mine. At church this past Sunday the biggest joy for me was watching the kids I know personally.

    2. Once you get to know her better: trust her with your child. Especially if you still have a “babe-in-arms” place your child in her arms. I don’t know how your friend is feeling right now, but I know that there was a time when I was terrified to reach out and ask to be allowed to hold a child. And toddlers are torture, because sometimes you reach out your arms to them and they laugh and run the other way. This is no big deal to a normal person, but to someone who is aching to hold a child it can be horrible! So YOU make the first move, show her that you trust her. A lot of infertile women (myself included) secretly feel that maybe God didn’t think we would make good mommies. So just allowing her to hold your child might help her.

    3. The best thing you can do for her is to let her in. Into your world, into your heart. Talk to her. Tell her how unsure you are and ask her what you can do to help. If God has pointed her out to you (and I believe He has) there is a reason, so go to her. Tell her you have been praying for her and ask her how you can help.

    I’ll be praying for you both.

    Deirdre

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