This is one of those things that shouldn’t need to be said, but then again, maybe it does need to get said every once in a long while.
“everyone is different”
I really appreciated all the helpful, sweet, sensitive things that have been posted here in the last few days. The comfort you guys have offered is treasured. But lets all face something rather basic here: you are only reading what I choose to post. You don’t really know me and for anyone to tell me that I need to stop an adoption proceeding because they (my reader) doesn’t feel I’ve “dealt adequately with my grief” is presumptuous and inappropriate.
No I’m not going to to tell you who said it, that’s not your affair. But it brought up something for me that I really wanted to say;
Let’s all try to remember that we don’t really know each other deeply and that we need to all respect each other as rational beings. Give me the benefit of the doubt. You don’t have any idea how often I’ve curled up in a ball and sobbed. You don’t know if I’ve let grief run its course or bottled it up. I may be up one day and down another, or I could swing moment to moment or my “emotionally fragile” day on Friday could have been a blip in an otherwise sunny disposition. You and I don’t spend every day together. The only human being who could adequately assess my mental/emotional state is my husband. He sees me everyday, we commute together, the only time we are apart is during actual work hours.
Each person grieves differently. Each person processes their life experiences differently. Let’s give each other room to be different.
Now if I go completely off the deep end and start typing destructive thoughts or sounding dangerous to you, please go ahead and question that. But I don’t think adopting a child after just over a year from my last failed IVF really constitutes a “failure to give adequate time for grieving”
Thanks to everyone who has posted for being sensitive and kind, even if you may not agree with me. I respect that so much.