I want to be more sensitive.
Now to those people who know me and know how “over-sensitive” I already am, I will submit to you that what you are labeling “over sensitive” in me right now is actually just a tendency to over-react.
What I’m talking about when I say I want to be more sensitive is that I want my heart to be more tender. Softer. Ready to feel the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Less…..um…… arrogant.
There’s the biggie. I have a real tendency towards arrogance. Especially in my inner thoughts.
Its ugly and it is doing me no favors in my work, family or friend circles.
This is something I have fought against all my life. There is a certain hardness of my heart, an impatience, a disdain. Especially towards people who are slow, or even those who are emotionally more vulnerable than I am. Including, sometimes, my own husband.
This is BAD.
I don’t speak my feelings out loud. But some times they show on my face, or in my voice. BUT even if they never show to others, God sees them and I am convinced that he is grieved by my horrible attitude.
I’ve tried to change, but I am coming to the realization that I simply CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN.
It’s like asking someone with a faulty heart valve to perform surgery on themselves. It is simply not possible.
The good news is that God has offered to help me.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” Ezekiel 36:26
Thank you LORD. Make me tender. I am afraid of asking this Jesus, because I am horribly afraid that the method for making me tender is going to be that you will have to put me through some horrible trial. But LORD I don’t like me very much the way I am, so …….
all the same, if you can tenderize me gently LORD, I’d appreciate it.