how to be universally lovely

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the
purity and reverence of your lives

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God’s sight.

For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and
do not give way to fear.

I Peter 3: 1-6

These have been my memory verses for the past 6 weeks.

Let me say at the outset that I am preaching to myself here.  I NEED these verses like you would not believe.

I actually don’t have much trouble submitting to my husband.  He has earned my respect about a million times over.  He is so gifted and he is patient, kind and gentle, as well as firm, moral and strong in his convictions.  He amazes me. He is the true spiritual leader of our home.

Where I fall down on these first two verses is in the “winning them over without words” thing.


I am a words person.

Anyone shocked?  *sound of crickets*

Part of the reason I started blogging is that I just have so much to say, and blogging was a way to put it all down “on paper” so it would stop banging around inside my skull.

So this whole “win them over without words” thing is just like speaking an alien language to me.  But I’m working on it.  One of the books Martin and I are reading as we prepare for disciplining our baby girl is called “Creative Correction” and one of the fun methods the author suggests for helping kids understand God’s topsy turvy morality (opposite of the world’s mentality) is to have one kid per month get to be the “family servant for the day.”  The rest of the family can NOT give them orders.  It is up to the servant to find ways to serve the family.  This encourages creativity.  It also reminds the kids what a privilege it is to serve others.  I think I need to adopt this excerise for myself.  I need to see myself more as a servant and find way to quietly do things for others.

Which bring me to the next thing I’m not good at: Quiet Spirit.

Oh how I want  “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.”  We all know people like that.  Women who are just beautiful for no earthly reason.  Usually they are older (but I’m not ageist here, I’ve seen a couple who are young who have this quality about them) and there is just something about them that defies the worldly standards of beauty.  Something that transcends wrinkles, injuries, imperfections. And when you spend time with them, inevitably they are the ones that constantly have genuine praise for our Savior on their lips.  They are filled with love for God and an unshakeable surety of His love for them.

I honestly think that is the key.  Do you recall that glow you got when you first knew you were loved by the man that you love?  That silent, proud, almost secret smile that would overtake you in the middle of the work day when you think of him or something special he said to you recently?   Now, try to wrap your brain around this: God loves you, personally.  Way more than your husband does.

The Creator of the Universe adores you. He is aching to shower you with gifts.  He is just hopping up and down at the very idea that you might decide to spend your lunch break with Him, quietly reading His letters written for you.

If we could dive in and be surrounded by that surety on a continual basis, we would glow.  We would exude the quiet confidence of a woman who knows beyond all doubt that she is beloved.

So don’t worry about your hair cut, your clothing style or all the externals.  Take care of the body God has given you, certainly.  But don’t fret about it.  Ultimately what makes a woman beautiful is knowing that she is beloved of God.

5 thoughts on “how to be universally lovely

  1. It is good to be reminded of these verses, I can learn much from them. I want to be sure of His love for me always. I know He does love me, and nothing can separate me from His love. That is definitely comforting:)




  2. Curious, just curious the blog name you use: screamofcontinuousness? Why that name? Are your screaming continually from life? I read your post that Melissa had and do think that there are women that can speak in public but I do have a problem with woman being a Pastor of a church. Many women are gifted speakers and writers and then there was Debroah the Prophet who was called upon because a man was not willing to do his role. But personally I believe woman are by nature more tempted to be deceived only because of Adam and Eve. It started there. Yet I think woman can be very discerning have left their role as woman. Don’t you think? I know this is a hot topic in many circles about woman preaching or not. Look at some women that are divorced and still are teaching on TV. I know that happens and God forgives but I do have a concern there. What kind of witness is that and does it say it’s ok to be divorced and continue to minister? People still do but is the instrument (that person) altered some that have been divorced and minister in public? Just wondering about this. We do live in greatly tempting times where too many “things” are available for the appetite. Allison

    First, my blog name is a play on words and from a fun moment in my past. You can go back in the history and read about it.
    Welcome to my blog.

    As for divorced women speaking and teaching, I guess I don’t understand the objection. Why would divorce be different than any other sin? if you have committed a sin in the past (lied? robbed a bank? whatever) and God has forgiven you and the stain is gone why is it okay to minister but if you have been divorced suddenly Christ’s sacrifice on the cross doesn’t cover that? Sorry. I firmly believe that Christ blood covers all of my past and the past is really no one else’s business. If God were to choose to use me in a ministering role to someone else (either an individual or a group) who am I to question HIS direction? Let’s face it, Moses murdered a man. God still used him. (and no, I’m not condoning murder)

    hope you enjoy reading some of my back story.



  3. Hey Deirdre,

    Yes, Moses was a murderer and he still was the man to deliver the children of Egypt. I think where I have a concern with divorce is that when is teaching about relationships and how they should work and not work then it is not as affective when that person can’t even keep a marriage. Not to say that God won’t use that person again after divorce or if they have committed some other kind of sin as you said, lied, robbed a bank, or whatever, God can and will use them but I think that for those who can stay in a marriage, walk a pure devoted life in an humble way I think the vessel is greater in power. No condemnation to anyone but just an observation. Yes, those who have never been with a man before marriage does not necessarily make them “holy”. They could be just as rotten as a murderer or liar. Maybe I am thinking that the Christian community tends to give an “ok” to be divorced or “ok” to lie, or “ok” to murder or “ok” to anything else that is sin because God will forgive. And maybe what is lacking is a reverence to God. I think that is my point. Lack of reverence and fear to a holy God. Allison

    Teaching that God forgives something is not the same as teaching that God approves of something. they aren’t even close to each other.


  4. A – Angela Thomas is a prime example of a divorced woman whom God is using mightily. AND SO IS KAY ARTHUR.

    B – D, Kay’s teachings on these passages in A Marriage Without Regrets completely rocked my world. It means different things than I always thought it did.


    Yes. I used to resent the “submit to your husband” thing for so many years. But when Martin and I were going through pre-marriage counseling the whole thing became beautiful. I love these verses now. The assurance they give me in Christ’s love is just amazing.


  5. Not so much the submit verses but what she had to say about a woman being quiet – those were the really interesting ones to me.

    Btw, I NEED to see some pix of Ginny in the hairbows Aunt Mis sent her…hint hint….

    working on it. working on it. Ginny will actually be wearing one of them today. She’s worn them lots, I just haven’t been as good about taking photos in the last few weeks.
    Sorry, it’s been a full week. A friend died on Monday, the funeral is today. I’m supposed to be packing to fly to Boulder tomorrow and at 4 a.m. I got hit with some serious pain. So bad that I actually begged my husband to arrange to drive me to the funeral today so that I wouldn’t have to get behind a wheel and therefore could take whatever I needed to make the pain go away. I am now at work and floating……floating……wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


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