the most wonderful post of the year

This post is important.

It is the post that lead to a friendship.

But it is more than just simply important to me.  At this time of year there are loads of people going through depression for many reasons.  This post helps those who know God to get through it in a better frame of spirit.

There are loads of reasons people get depressed during the holidays.  I can’t speak to all of them.  But I can talk about this.  December of 2007 I was in a very bad place emotionally.  Martin and had been through lots of treatment for infertility issues, including two rounds of IVF.  All our efforts  had failed.  We had come to the end of our rope.  I was basically okay with it…at first.

then came  Christmas.

and oh boy.  all the symbolism, all the services, all the kids programs, all the holiday photos and posters, and commercials.

I felt like I was in a flood.  Being overwhelmed by the Virgin Mary and her Baby Boy.

It was so hard to take.  I sat in the balcony and cried through the children’s service.  I ended up staying home that night and not even doing the Christmas play at church that I was supposed to be in.  I knew I should have gone and fulfilled my commitment, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be around kids at that point.  I saw them not as little people, but as walking symbols of my pain.  It was a very unhealthy outlook, but I was caught up in the middle of it and couldn’t see that right then.

It hurt too much.  I was so sad and jealous and angry.  I wanted to scream out my anguish to God.  WHY was I not a mommy yet?

Then Trish pointed me to this post. Everything changed.  Something about this post just turned over my apple cart.  Put the focus back where it was supposed to be in the first place.

Read it.  No matter what your reason for depression, or if you are simply disgruntled this season, it will change how you look at your current circumstances.  I re-read it every year. And find new reasons to revel in the message.

Enjoy.

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3 thoughts on “the most wonderful post of the year

  1. Thank you for this posting. I helps put things back in proper order. This is the second Christmas season without my husband, and have questioned many times, Why, am I still in this stable. Yet, I look back and see God’s hand guiding my through many difficult times. God is good all the time.

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  2. Whenever I think about you and the miracle that Ginny is it gives me such hope. I know my children have not come in my time but in God’s I know that there are 6 of them whose faces I have never had the joy of seeing. Having three here laughing, giggling, and causing trouble makes me know that God is Soverign and God is Good, but there have been times I’ve struggled.

    I have tried to encourage my sister in law to read your story. I have shared it with her, but I haven’t gotten her to the page. She and my brother have been married for 5 1/2 years. For the last 4 1/2 they have been trying to have a baby, with various medical assistance. They have been there for the births of my boys to help with the other kids and in my losses, again to help with my kids and to be there for me. She has been the best aunt, although I see that starting to slip some in her sadness. She teaches kindergarten, she is with little children everyday. She sees the ones that she wishes she could just take home with her. The last big family outing we went on to the Indianapolis Children’s museum she was very hard to be around. I understood, but the kids, and really even my brother didn’t get it. She told me later that being there surrounded by all thos children and pregnant mothers was her own personal hell.

    I love my sister in law like the sister I never had. My great Christmas prayer for she and my brother is for their hearts to be settled in God, for their faith to grow, and their relationship with God and each other to grow passionate. I pray for them a sweet sweet baby and I know when that baby comes they will understand how God’s timing is perfect.

    Thank you, Deirdre for sharing your hurt and your heartache, as well as your sweet miracle!

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