Can you possibly imagine that line as the start of a deep, meaningful friendship?
Well, I can.
Cause I once asked that very question of someone. They turned me down and then proceeded to become a major part of my life.
What on earth am I talking about you ask? (or maybe you’ve already stopped reading ’cause I’ve offended you…)
Well back a few years ago when I was still reeling from our failed IVF tries one of the options the doctor mentioned was to have a surrogate mother carry a baby for us. We could either use our own …um….material, or just my husband and the surrogate. That last option completely turned me off, but the idea of having someone carry our child for us was not completely repugnant, so we agreed to think about it. But then the doctors started telling me all the stuff we would need to look into to find a surrogate. DNA testing for the surrogate and descriptions and interviews…it was all so cold and clinical. We were turned off by the whole process, so we put the notion on the shelf and got on with the process of healing our sore hearts.
Another friend who had been going through infertility issues herself pointed me to a wonderful blog post by a person named Missy. It was all about how God never puts us in a place or situation without there being a reason, a meaning in it.
After reading that first post I kept reading. and reading. and reading. I really liked this lady. I liked her style and I envied her the ability to have four kids. Her fertility and my infertility were in stark contrast to each other, and the thought crossed my mind…I wonder if she would be willing to be a surrogate for us?
I took my courage in both hands, and emailed her.
She very compassionately said, no. And for a very good reason – Missy had had a rough delivery with her last baby and she was scared to try again. Which is perfectly understandable.
Now this COULD have been a humiliating moment for me, but Missy made it into the beginning of a sweet relationship. And no matter how depressed I got, or how frustrated with God’s timing, she kept pointing me back to God and reminding me that He is GOOD and He had not forgotten me.
Eventually, after a lot of healing and soul searching, we chose to adopt domestically and we could not possibly have been more blessed than we are to have Ginny. Her birth parents are a wonderful part of our family life and they know how much we love them. I honestly would not trade Ginny for any child of my own body.
But beyond helping me with my emotional healing, Missy did something far greater for me – she pointed out a prejudice that I was holding on to unjustly and opened my eyes to the amazing ministry of a lovely lady in Houston named Beth Moore.
so Missy, thank you for NOT having my babies.