on the other hand…

Someone told me yesterday

“I see God in you and in how you treat other people”

Wow.  What an amazing compliment.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had anyone say that to me before.  How great!

On the other hand (and once I stopped celebrating and patting myself on the back) how… convicting.

It is rather convicting that I have lived 41 years on the globe claiming to be a Christian and not ever had anyone say that to me before.  Mostly because I haven’t deserved it before now.  I have always had a caustic mouth and a quick temper.  Not the kind of person you would want to place in a customer service position.  But I refuse to get down about it.  There has never been a time quite like this in my life.

  • I have taken a huge pay cut.
  • I am dealing with an endless line of ticked off people every single day at work
  • I am processing a mound of non-stop, tedious paperwork.  Paperwork that involves MATH no less!  Yes, that’s right I spend all my time going through taxes now. 
  • I am getting not nearly enough sleep.
  • I get to see my family for a grand total of about 30 minutes at night before I fall on my face and beg for sleep.

And yet in all this…. I am happy.

Coming into this job I knew that it wasn’t my dream job.  So I asked God to get me excited about it. 

Lord please, you know me, help me here.  Make this meaningful.  Make it a joy to come to work.

and He has. 

Through many details I can’t even begin to enumerate here, God has changed my mind and heart to the point that I see this job as meaningful and a chance to bless loads of people every day.  Each new phone call makes me smile and gives me a chance to make someone else smile, or laugh. 

And even though the schedule is tough I am finding joy even in that.

The 30 minutes I get with Ginny at night is concentrated Ginny time.  I enjoy her in ways that I didn’t before when I thought I had loads of time to spend with her.  In this season I know I only have time for the giggles and wrestlings and ticklings.  So that is what we do.  Last night we danced to two rounds of “Elmocize” and “Grover’s Dance-Along” videos.  I was silly.  Ginny was silly.  And I was completely in the moment with her in ways that I didn’t do very much of when I thought I had all the time in the world.

The 15 minutes I get to talk to my husband in the mornings over coffee leave me wanting more.  He is so much fun to talk to that I drive away each day yearning to stay and just spend time with him.  Talk about something that will kick-start a relationship that had started to become too “routine”  Martin is funny and sweet, and helpful and it kills me every morning to say bye bye and drive away.

So even though I am not in a season of hardship, I am in a season of living beyond my own ability.  I wake up every day KNOWING to the bottoms of my boots that I must have God to get me through the day.

So it really shouldn’t suprise me at all that for the first time in my life, someone has said that they see God in me.  I can’t make it through the day without Him, so…that tracks.

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4 thoughts on “on the other hand…

  1. Ahhhh. I’ve been doing lots of catch-up reading here.
    I’m so glad to read about how you’ve seen God in the midst of your struggles, how HE has been showing you His faithfulness in all circumstances.
    Sounds like you’re in a good place!

    Like

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