before yesterday I would have said that Martin and I make a great parenting team. (not that we are great parents, we won’t know that result for years to come)
but yesterday I found out that we have left a word out of that assessment, and it makes a significant difference…
We are great TAG – Team parents.
We have perfected the art of passing Ginny back and forth between us like a finely honed machine of efficiency. While one is being an independent adult, the other is being a parent. What we seem to have lost recently is the art, and make no mistake it IS an ART, of working together as a GROUP. With both of us being parents TOGETHER.
Just as an example, yesterday Martin did something that he would never have done had he been alone with Ginny. Becasue I was there, he abandoned our mutual pile of personal belongings and went off to some other portion of the venue to a change machine to get chage for Ginny to play a game.
How is this wrong?
it isn’t…..in and of itself.
He had Ginny with him. She was safe.
I however was fuming.
I had no idea where they were.
I could not go looking for them because I was now in charge ( by default) of a whole pile of stuff that couldn’t be left alone in a public venue.
I knew they had the ultimate goal of going to play some game that Ginny had wanted to show me. But becasue they didn’t tell me about the need for change I thought they had headed off to the game and must be waiting for me. So I figured out a way to drape all the stuff all over my hands, elbows and shoulders and lumbered through the venue looking for them….and fuming.
I nearly imploded when I finally found them.
It is such a simple thing, and yet two people who actually love each other have, temporarily, gotten out of the habit of working together as an actual team.
Thank goodness Martin had the sense and the maturity to text me an apology before I went too far off the deep end. He gave me a way back and I took it gratefuly.
Why am I telling you this? to air our dirty laundry? no. Becasue I just wanted to take a minute to remind myself and everyone who still reads my blog that you have to practice the skills involved in real teamwork.
We got better at it as the day progressed.
By the end of the day we were back to working as a group. We even managed to have our heads on straight enough to take advantage of a trio of police personel who sat down at an adjacent table during our lunch. We showed Ginny the badges and how to recognize, and hopefully trust, a real cop. By the way, I am so thankful that they were a very mixed bunch. One black, two white and one female. Gotta love it when your girl child gets to see the full range of human skin colors and sexes treated as equals. Martin even let us pick up their tab annoymously. Which was a really great thing for Ginny to see happen.
I guess my secondary point is that marriage is chock full of moments like that. I over reacted to a realtively minor situation and my husband offered me a way back.
No matter what has happened…..take that offer folks. Or be the one big enough to make the offer. But whatever you do, don’t be small enough to cling to a hatchet that someone else is trying to get you to put down.
Relationships are precious. Join something bigger than just you. Dont’ just play TAG, be on a TEAM and be proud of it.