coming out from behind the tree….

So after the New Year’s Day meltdown what happens next?  Once you admit that you are sad and overwhelmed, where do you go from there?

Well, I got busy. Just in a different way.

  • I got back into Bible study
  • I got back into aerobics class
  • I started my 2011 Siesta Scripture Memory Team notebook
  • and I got snowed in for a week

Yup.  You heard me.  Getting snowed in for a week was the best thing that could have happened to me just now.  Everything came to a screeching halt and we just played.  We enjoyed Ginny.  We snuggled in front of the fireplace, we watched White Christmas, we played with the neighbors, we went for a nature hike, and I didn’t put in a single job application all week.  I just put the whole mess aside and gave myself up to enjoying this rare event of being snowed in.

And trust me, getting snowed in for a solid week in Atlanta is unheard of.

Wanna see photos?

yup.  I kinda thought you might.

This was after only about 2 hours of snow.  We got more than this, but the photo is so pretty, I just had to share.

Martin insisted that I take this shot.  I didn’t think it would turn out, but it ended up being one of the most unique photographs from this snowfall.

the only “flocked” tree I have ever liked….Our outdoor Christmas tree, with lights, covered in snow.

I love the way the colored lights glowed through the snow.

find a happy place.....

This is my happy place.  Snow is falling outside.  I have slippers, wine & cheese, a good book, a sleeping dog, a fire in the fire place, a beautiful Christmas tree.  you will notice that second glass of wine.  It wasn’t for me, but for my wonderful hubby who would come to shove the dog out of his chair and complete my happy place picture.

Our dog Kirby, heading for Narnia…..

Ginny playing in the snow with papa. I didn’t get very many shots of this, mostly because the snow was still coming down and I didn’t want to damage my camera.  So after snapping off a few shots of Ginny and Martin, I put the camera aside and just went out and enjoyed the playtime.

Our front porch.  Out of four steps you can only see ONE set of treads.

Martin and Ginny in front of Grammy’s house.  We hiked the mile to her house because she can’t go for a solid week without seeing her grandbaby.  Plus it gave us a chance to try out our fancy new sledding rig.  cool yes?  We both enjoyed pulling Ginny and the neighbor kids in it.

My parents were both very glad to see us by the way.  They had cabin fever really badly, so an infusion of cuteness really helped.

Ginny getting warm after a day in the snow.  She is turning into quite a ham for the camera.

So wrap up the week and put a bow on it.

Seven solid days of a snow and ice covered driveway made for some concentrated family time.  That might drive other folks insane, but  not me.

This week of being snowed in was exactly what I needed.  No, I don’t think God sent the snow for all of Atlanta just to help my heart, but I know He used this time in my life to quiet me down and say “Child, you have been mourning the past, and yearning for what is behind you, but look.  See?  This is the present.  And it is filed with wonder, beauty and joy.”

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the most wonderful post of the year

This post is important.

It is the post that lead to a friendship.

But it is more than just simply important to me.  At this time of year there are loads of people going through depression for many reasons.  This post helps those who know God to get through it in a better frame of spirit.

There are loads of reasons people get depressed during the holidays.  I can’t speak to all of them.  But I can talk about this.  December of 2007 I was in a very bad place emotionally.  Martin and had been through lots of treatment for infertility issues, including two rounds of IVF.  All our efforts  had failed.  We had come to the end of our rope.  I was basically okay with it…at first.

then came  Christmas.

and oh boy.  all the symbolism, all the services, all the kids programs, all the holiday photos and posters, and commercials.

I felt like I was in a flood.  Being overwhelmed by the Virgin Mary and her Baby Boy.

It was so hard to take.  I sat in the balcony and cried through the children’s service.  I ended up staying home that night and not even doing the Christmas play at church that I was supposed to be in.  I knew I should have gone and fulfilled my commitment, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be around kids at that point.  I saw them not as little people, but as walking symbols of my pain.  It was a very unhealthy outlook, but I was caught up in the middle of it and couldn’t see that right then.

It hurt too much.  I was so sad and jealous and angry.  I wanted to scream out my anguish to God.  WHY was I not a mommy yet?

Then Trish pointed me to this post. Everything changed.  Something about this post just turned over my apple cart.  Put the focus back where it was supposed to be in the first place.

Read it.  No matter what your reason for depression, or if you are simply disgruntled this season, it will change how you look at your current circumstances.  I re-read it every year. And find new reasons to revel in the message.

Enjoy.

scared to hope

I think God just sent me two potential “leads” about two potential babies (not yet born) who need parents.

I’m kinda scared to hope that this is for real or could really work out. I can’t say anything more than that, just pray that God will be glorified no matter what happens.

So that’s what is on my mind today. I’m trying to concentrate on work (rather unsuccessfully as you can imagine). Oh, I have other good news: I started back on my swimming this past Friday. At one point last year I was doing an hour on Tuesdays and on Thursdays. Just long slow laps, nothing stressful, but it was really helping me feel better physically. That got cut short when we went through IVF and then when it failed I was too depressed to get back in the pool, but now it is a new year and I’m off my duff and back into the pool. It’s the only excersise I can do consistently without stressing my knees. Good thing I love it so much.

I wasn’t able to do the full hour Friday, but got through 45 minutes and had no real soreness. So I’ll try to go for the full hour Tuesday. Hubby doesn’t like swimming, so he is going to do racquetball and weight machines. Yay hubby.

Sorry I’m not profound or witty today. Just too occupied with possibility of baby through random life connections. Isn’t God weird?