very slightly sick

okay, moms of this world, back me up. 

By a show of hands, who here actually enjoys it when their child is just slightly sick ?

I’m not talking about barfing, or anything disgusting.  I’m referring to those times when your child is just not feeling quite right. They need rest, fluids and quiet.  But mostly they need to snuggle in your arms all day.

Maybe it is wrong of me, but I love that. 

Or when Ginny falls and gets a scraped knee.  Or stubs her toe.  She needs comfort, she needs me.  Does it matter to me that just half a minute before the fall I was telling her “don’t do that honey, you are going to get hurt !”  ???  Nope.  Has no bearing on that moment when I get to hold her close and lavish love on her. 

While I am sorry that she is hurt,
secretly, in my heart of hearts
I am rejoicing that she turns to me and wants to be held. 

Ginny is at an age where she is trying to accomplish tasks that are beyond her.  She grabs some tasks out of my hands that weren’t meant for her to even attempt yet.  Some are things she will learn to do eventually, others are things she shouldn’t even try.  Often she won’t let me help her….until she has achieved a high level of frustration.  I don’t want her to be frustrated, but I do have to watch her till she gets to the point of turning to me and saying “help me please?”

I don’t like seeing her frustration,
but I love it that she knows that she can bring her frustrations to me
…… and that I can still fix them. 

Sometimes she is just exhausted.  Ginny is still young enough that when she is worn out she prefers to be held.  I know when she is older she will just lie down and go to sleep on her own.  But for now, when she is plain ole worn out, she would rather be held.  And it feels fabulous to be the one to get to hold her.

she was so tired she fell asleep while we were drying her off from her bath

My heart rejoices that this beloved child needs me…
is it just possible that God feels about us the same way that I feel about holding Ginny ?   

The Bible certainly says so

“the LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing”
Zephaniah 3:7

Why do I waste energy in self condemnation?  When my mind has been a little bit sickened for a while, and I need to be renewed, why do I fight against God?  Why do I try to raise my own mood?  Or strengthen my will on my own?  Why don’t I accept that He WANTS to comfort me? 

How often do I fall?  Everyday.  And what do I do?  I feel ashamed of falling.  I caused the hurt that is happening to me through my own stubborn actions or impetuous mouth.  So I mentally run away from God.  I say to myself “God must be so disappointed in me.  I messed up again!” 

How often do I run myself ragged trying to do or be too much to too many people?  I refuse to stop and take time to just rest in the LORD. 

Often I try to do things that are beyond my strength.  I fight and fight to accomplish things that God wanted to do in His strength, in His timing.  Why does it take me so long to hand things over to God?  He has been standing right there, waiting to happily take over the tasks that He meant for Himself, knowing that they weren’t intended for me to DO.  He meant all along for me to hand it to Him and give Him the glory.

When will I get it through my thick skull that God feels the same way about me that I feel about a slightly fevered toddler…..

I’m sorry you are hurting honey, but oh how I LOVE holding you.


eighteen hours

Eighteen hours can make quite a difference.

A month ago I went to bed on a Monday with a sinus infection thinking that the worst thing I would have to do that week was get up early the next day and drag my ailing body to work.  Eighteen hours later I was calling my husband to tell him that my job no longer existed.

A little over two years ago we were at a lovely restaurant in Kansas with Dan, Vivian, Steve and a very pregnant and radiant Mel.  In the space of eighteen hours we went from chatting over steaks to holding a very tiny  newborn Ginny.  We went from strangers who were becoming friends  to family.   Bonded forever by Ginny.

Yesterday we had another eighteen hour transition.  Not nearly so earth shaking, but very very much appreciated.

First some background.

Lately Ginny has been cranky.  Actually cranky doesn’t really begin to describe it.  It seemed no matter what we did, she would lose patience far too quickly, throw temper tantrums and in general was being a real beast.  Now before anyone says “but she’s only 2 years old”  Yes.  I know that.  I am talking about an increase in the number of tantrums and a HUGE step up in the speed at which she will go from happy to furious.  And nothing we did had any effect.

We were baffled.

but then.

Yesterday we put her down for a nap at 4 in the afternoon.

and, are you ready for this? she slept for EIGHTEEN SOLID HOURS.

Yes.  you heard me.

We checked on her numerous times, convinced that something had to be wrong, but she was fine.  Just very very much asleep.

and then this morning came.

Ginny woke up positively angelic.  Cute, smiley, happy, reasonable  and loving.

Sleep therapy.  I wonder if it would work on politicians?


a different way to celebrate the fourth of july

Last year, Fourth of July weekend was a bit of a bummer.  We were dealing with a broken adoption match and the heartbreak was intense.

This year was much different.

in front of the Fargo Airport, thank you Aunt missy for the bow!

in front of the Fargo Airport, thank you Aunt missy for the bow!

We now have Ginny.  Our sweet, loving, adorable girl who has changed our lives.  You would think we would be big into the fireworks and freedom celebrations.  Um, not so much.  First off I don’t know how a 10 month old would react to fireworks noises. I know she loves the lights, but the BOOM-BOOM might be a bit much for her little ears.

So for her first All-American Holiday, Ginny really didn’t have much of a fourth of July weekend.  But she did have a celebratory weekend.  It was actually a wedding weekend.  Our former choir director Phillip, got married on the 4th, so we didn’t do any fireworks per se.  It was a nice wedding though.  Very Lutheran and very Minnesotan.

Oh and we REALLY enjoyed the weather up there in Minnesota.  It’s at least 10 degrees cooler up there than Atlanta.  aaaahhhhh bliss.  Can I spend my Summers in Minnesota from now on, and my Winters in Atlanta?  Such gorgeous weather.  And green hills.  Did you know they raise elk for meat up there?  In pastures.  Just like cows.  I really wanted to stop and get a photo but we were pressed for time.

Also Ginny got to meet an Aunt from her birth family.  We were only 6 hours apart, so Aunt Sherry and Uncle Curt volunteered to drive to meet us.  Ginny certainly knew that she was meeting family, these arms are the only ones (other than mommy and daddy) that she went into willingly all weekend.  It was a amazing.  And Martin and I loved Sherry and Curt.  Really lovely people.

Unlce Curt

Uncle Curt

Aunt Sherry

Aunt Sherry

aren't we all cute?

aren't we all cute?

The whole weekend was wonderful….right up till the night before we had to fly back.

We knew we had a two hour drive to the airport Monday, and we still needed to pack.  But that shouldn’t be a problem.  We figured Ginny would go to sleep soon and we could pack while she slept.

Serious first-time parent error there.

Ginny started getting irritable around 5 or 6 p.m.  Even that failed to warn us of what was coming.

She calmed down a bit and we had dinner with the happy couple till midnight.  Ginny stayed awake through all that.  She clung to Martin and would not go down for sleep.

We needed to get up at 5 a.m. to pack and leave at 7 a.m…… so we really needed her to go down.  At this point Ginny decided that no one really needed any sleep.  She screamed all night.  And she wouldn’t accept comfort from anyone except Martin.  He sang himself hoarse.  We eventually got up, put Ginny in the car and drove to the nearest Wal-Mart (at 2 a.m.) and bought teething tablets, benadryl, ambesol and anything else we could think of that might help.

Ginny eventually nodded off for about 2 hours.  Just long enough for us to get an hour of sleep and get most of the bags packed before she woke up.

Poor thing.  Her first tooth wasn’t this bad.  I think it is because she is getting so many at one time.  Her little mouth is filled with teeth buds.

And no, I don’t have photos of that.  She will hardly let me see inside her mouth right now.  I can’t imagine trying to snap a photo.  So instead you will just have to be contented with photos of Ginny at the wedding.

hungry, hungry, hungry

hungry, hungry, hungry

babies don't have to wait in the recpetion line. lucky them!

babies don't have to wait in the recpetion line. lucky them!

daddy is soooooo much fun to play with

daddy is soooooo much fun to play with

first father-daughter dance. notice the bride and her daddy in the background

first father-daughter dance. notice the bride and her daddy in the background

Ginny dancing with some very important people

Ginny dancing with some very important people

hoofin' it all night long! let's par-tay!!!!

hoofin' it all night long! let's par-tay!!!!

baseball bat sucessfully applied to nurse

okay not really.

mostly the metaphorical bat got applied to my overactive guilt complex.  Thank you for all your encouragement, comments and prayers.

So this morning at 4 a.m. Ginny was breathing really heavily.  wheezing and rattling and just having trouble.  She wasn’t struggling per-se and she still had no fever, but…

yes, sad to say I, logical I,  am not immune to


apparently neither is my hubby.

We both listened to Ginny breathe, clocked the seconds till we could expect her breathing treatment to work, waited …..and waited……

“well it’s kinda better. ”

“yeh, a little bit.  sorta.”

“um, you know, it’s not really any better is it?”

“no, you are right, it’s not.  Shes still struggling and rattling”

“well, we have two hours till the doctor’s office opens.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yep.  Let’s go camp on their doorstep and be there when they arrive”

So that’s what we did.  We were there before the nurse opened the door.  We got to see Dr Jenny again and clarified a lot of stuff.

First of all, my written instructions which said to only give the albuterol “every 4 to 6 hours as needed” ARE correct.  BUT she clarified the “as needed part” to mean that Ginny basically is in a CONSTANT STATE of “as needed” right now. And will be for the foreseeable future.

oh.  okay.  Then why oh why did they bother to include the words “as needed”??????  Turns out they have to say that for some obscure reason.  Whatever.

Also it turns out RSV can hit old people really hard too.  So I’ll give two guesses as to who else in our family now has RSV…yup, you got it in one guess.  My Mother.  As the daytime caregiver, we had to have my mother tested, to make sure she didn’t have anything she could pass on to Ginny right now.  So now they are both ensconsed in the nursery.  With individual nebulizers.  I’m starting to feel left out here.  Maybe I need a nebulizer too?  nyah.

The heavy sounds in her little chest are just mucous building up and we have to make sure she is getting alternating, four hour apart treatments of saline and of albuterol.  Which means she will be attached to the hated nebulizer once every two hours for the next two weeks at least.  Joy oh joy. (can you hear sarcasm in there somehwere? )

Oh and if someone can figure out when Martin and I are supposed to sleep I’d love to hear it.  Cause it turns out we are supposed to wake her up to give her the treatments every two hours.    Beg pardon?

Isn’t one of the cardinal rules : NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY??????

Ever been in the hospital?  Ever been awakened every two hours by “helpful” nursing staff who just want to give you medication.  It’s a real bummer.  No one gets any real rest from two hours of sleep.

Poor kid.

On the other hand Ginny still seems cheerful. Sleepy, snotty, bleary eyed and wheezey….but cheerful.  Apparently she hasn’t yet decided to hate us for the breathing treatments, though from her language while the treatments are actually happening, you would think she was planning to murder us all in our beds.  This child can CUSS  a blue streak.  It’s all baby talk and screams, but even I don’t need an interpreter to understand.

sleepy voices

Ginny is 14 weeks today.

She is generally sleeping 7 hours at a stretch in the evenings

Sometimes this works out where mommy and daddy actually get seven hours of sleep too. Last night didn’t work that way.

Ginny went to sleep in her cradle at about 7 p.m. yay!

Mommy and daddy made the mistake of looking around the house and saying “okay, what can we get done before we go to bed?”

three stacks of mail, four paid bills, a load of dishes, a new shower curtain hung and bathroom rug taped down and a fully repaired toilet later….

We looked at the clock and realized it was almost TWO IN THE MORNING!


so we prepared for bed. Martin climbed in and promptly fell sound asleep.

I on the other hand took just a few minutes too long. As I snuggled down into the comforter I heard a coo.

a gurgle…a murmur….then a full fledged “feed me NOW” cry.

*sigh* my turn I guess.

We had a nice time. She took all 5 ounces quickly and with no fuss and was back asleep by just before 3 a.m. So I really only got an hour less sleep than my husband.

This morning we woke up late. Actually I do recall the alarm going off. I went over to it and spoke strongly to it about the impertinence of it’s attempts to roust me out of bed. I even remember saying “we will have none of THAT!” as I forcefully turned it all the way OFF.

eventually we woke up on our own….30 minutes after we were already supposed to be in the car on the way to work.

At 8 a.m. the following phone call occurred between my husband and his boss (BOTH voices must be read as VERY sleepy and vague)

Martin: hhhey boss?

George: mmmmm?

Martin: sssts mrnin (translation: it’s morning)

George: issit? (translation: oh is it?)

Martin: yup. friday. work.

there is a long pause here……then George says

“wanna race?”

have I mentioned that my husband has a great boss?

how to get more sleep

Ginny is about to out grow her cradle.

Which means we will shortly have to move her to her real crib in her actual nursery.

Up till now she has slept in a hand crafted cradle that my father made. She sleeps just three feet from our bed. Which means we hear her REALLY well at night.

So well in fact that last night her coo-ing kept us both from getting sleep. Notice I didn’t say crying. I said cooing.

Ginny was perfectly happy. She was cooing and gurgling and examining her own feet and fingers all night. But even though she wasn’t in any sort of distress, both Martin and I woke up terribly tired.

But even though I desperately need sleep, I am TERRIFIED of moving her to her real crib in the other room. It is only 40 feet away from us, but it feels like I’m banishing my child to the far side of the moon. Or across the ocean.

What if I can’t hear her when she needs me? She’s only just three months old. This is too young! What if I don’t wake up? What if she is messed up for life because I don’t respond fast enough to her needs? Will I still be able to hear her? really? I have a monitor already that we use when she is asleep and we are on another floor.  I know it works when I am awake, but what about when I go to sleep!!!!!!  aaaaarrrrgh!

So, we are going to try to do this gradually.

Here’s the plan:

Since Ginny’s cradle is so movable, we are thinking that starting tonight, we will begin moving her cradle further away from our bed. Probably the first stop will be the other side of our bedroom. Then after a night or two of that, we will move her into the hall half way to the other bed room. The next night we would put her in her actual nursery, but still in her cradle. So at the end of the week, she would be in her real nursery and maybe ready to sleep in her crib.

Mommy of course will either be a nervous wreck or sleeping blissfully.

Any thoughts? Does this sound workable? Anyone got any suggestions?

am I totally weird for obsessing over this?

it has happened twice now

are you ready for this?

my daughter, who is only just over 12 weeks old

Slept. For. TWELVE. HOURS. Yesterday.

It happened once last week too.  Basically she takes a late afternoon bottle.  Then the following things happen in this order:

  • She gets burped
  • We put her in her car seat
  • We head for Wal-Mart for a major shopping trip
  • We put her on top of the buggy in her car seat
  • she sleeps all the way through two hours of shopping at Wal-Mart
  • she sleeps through the loading of the car
  • she sleeps through the ride home and the noisy unloading of the car
  • she sleeps through the putting away of the groceries
  • Martin and I look at each other.
  • we look at the clock.
  • it is our bed time
  • We shrug
  • we carry Ginny in her carrier up the stairs
  • We place her next to our bed
  • We go to sleep
  • We wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning and feed the baby.

Now I need to emphasize that during this ENTIRE process we are standing by with a bottle ready.  We have even occasionally made the mistake of warming a bottle up because we were certain that Ginny was just ABOUT to wake up and want it.  For those of you without children that may not know this: once you heat up a bottle of formula you have only one hour to use it before you have to throw it out.  We have wasted probably a pint of two of formula with this same mistake.  Our learning curve is rather flat these days.

So I have a question for other mommy bloggers out there: is this normal?  Should I be worried?

Best I can figure I have a born shopper on my hands.  She just flat out loves Wal-Mart.